


But Now I See

by Demoness (orphan_account)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Adam Milligan - Freeform, Adamandriel, M/M, Samandriel - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-11-20
Updated: 2012-11-26
Packaged: 2017-11-19 03:20:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/568493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Demoness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam is rescued from hell. Whoops, that wasn't meant to happen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Rescue

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry. I only discovered this ship last night and... Well, I had to.

Adam was lying down, his body held down by two strong hands. He had long ago given up the struggle to survive, he gave into the pain. Sinking down into the depths of his mind, his memories. He thought about his mum, the way she had smiled at him, thought about his dad, the baseball games they went to, he even thought about his brothers. Dean, the shorter, surlier of the two. And Sam, who had been here with him, who had not made a sound for what seemed like years. Time meant nothing in hell.  

Adam screamed, but no noise left his mouth. His fingers clenched into fists and he arched his back, held down by two strong hands. He could feel his skin being stripped from his muscles by long, sharp nails. Lucifer was skinning him with his _hands_. Looking down at the two angels in front of him showed nothing but blackness. The pain numbed him to anything but his own body and the hands that held him down. He could only feel the pain, and the smoothness of the angels souls. 

He remembered trying to see the angels, their true forms shown now that they weren't inside his or Sam's bodies. His eyes had _burnt_. He had felt blood pour down his face before; he'd cut his forehead open as a child and been blinded by the blood, but this, this was something else entirely. The blood was from his eyes, coating his face in red tears. He was crying blood, literally. His tears and his blood mingled and coated his face, running over his cheeks, over his lips and down into his short hair. 

Michael laughed, the grip on Adam's body getting tighter and tighter. Lucifer's breathing sped up, the nails scraping more and more of Adam's skin from his chest. Adam shook involuntarily, his body unable to deal with the pain that he was enduring. His jaw wrenched open again, his throat raw from the screams that made no sound. He knew he wasn't making any sound, but the echoes came back to him. Half deaf from the echoes of his screams he waded through this torture. 

His face was scarred, his body maimed. He had been stripped of his skin one strip at a time. And then healed so they could start all over again. Each day, or was it each year, he was healed and his skin grew back, the silver scars marking the lines the angels needed to cut along. Lucifer had once, a million years ago, pulled his heart from his chest and held it, still beating, in front of Adam's face. 

Suddenly, there was a loud noise from above. One he didn't recognise. It was like an explosion, but so close that he felt sure he would've been killed if it had been an explosion. There had been a sound something like this before, he suddenly remembered, quieter and more delicate. The angel had come for Sam. What was breaking into the Pit this time? What was this?  

Micheal's breathing caught in his throat and he let go of Adam's soul. Adam felt his body go limp, Lucifer had stopped and the pain washed over him. Lulling him into sleep. He wanted to go with the pain, to be borne away on a wave of pure, exquisite, sharp pain. 

"Brother." Michael said, his voice sickeningly like Adam's own. "Welcome." 

"Youre no brother of mine." Another voice said, it was younger, slurring slightly as though it was drunk or damaged. "Youre dead to me Michael, I just came for the boy." 

There was a sound like a car hitting flesh. Disgusting and cruel though he was, Adam felt some pain for Michael as he let out a piercing scream, howling deep from his core. Sudden warmth flashed through the cold room, and the screaming stopped. Michael's breathing had stopped too.  

Lucifer laughed, a cruel sound that reminded Adam of so many years - or was it minutes? - of torture. When Lucifer had him alone and Micheal had refused to join in... Adam suppressed a shudder. The nails that had been under his skin were a reminder of what truly made Lucifer laugh, and Adam felt sick with fear. 

"Shut up, Luci." The same voice said, wearily. He seemed scared, sick of what was going on. 

There was another scream, a beautiful deep, rich howl. Another flash of warmth. Adam couldn't help but feel good that someone had hurt that bastard. And then a noise he hadn't heard in a long time.

_Silence_.

 

\--

 

Samandriel looked over the room. Dark, black metal and stone were the walls. The metal rusting over but not through, showing signs of blood splatter and physical abuse. How many times had Lucifer hit these walls in a rage before those bastards had allowed him these toys? Samandriel bit his lip, a bad habit he had picked up from the human boy inside his head. 

He missed Alfie, who had guided him in his etiquette with the other humans they had encountered. But, a sad thought crossed his mind, Alfie was gone now. Ever since Crowley had struck that first blow with the angel blade - how had _Crowley_ got hold of an angel blade? - Alfie had screamed. When Samandriel's torture was over, he apologised to the whimpering boy and wished him good luck in heaven. He let Alfie's soul go and swore he would do what he could to avenge him. 

He was odd for an angel. 

Samandriel's eyes scanned the room again. The dead angels' clothes lay where he had slain them. There was putrid, sticky blood everywhere. And in the far corner, Samandriel swallowed deeply, was a pile of human flesh. Skin, he realised, stripped from Adam. There was more than enough for three or four of him. 

Samandriel wretched. He could not stand the thought of what had happened here. What his _brothers_ had done was disgusting, truly horrific. They had stripped a human, a child, of his skin for their own pleasure. His cries must have made them hate themselves. Surely they had...

 

\--

 

Adam gasped, the hands working around him had been removed and he could breathe again. The nails in his chest had been removed. He slowly sat up, feeling every single pull of each of his muscles. He had been stripped of his skin too many times to count, but they always let him grow it back before starting again. 

A pair of soft, warm hands touched Adam's face gently. Turning it one way then the other. "I have never seen such damage to a soul." The same voice from earlier said. "I am truly sorry for what they did to you Adam." 

 "W-who are you?" He asked, his voice sounding strange to him. He reached out and touched a face, thin shoulders and lean arms. He was muscled but not well, he seemed to be covered in as much blood as Adam himself. Wet and stickly, the man - if he was a man - didn't seem to have and concern for the blood trickling from his wounds. 

"Samandriel, angel of The Lord." The voice said, coming from above Adam's head. Adam turned his blind eyes to Samandriel, they were flickering back and forth as if that would fix the fact that he could see no face, no man, nothing but the blackness of hell. The fact that he was an angel scared Adam, this could be another trick. Lucifer could impersonate a lot of people... But could he do it so well? Could Lucifer be this gentle and caring? Adam _knew_  that Michael couldn't be. He was too brutal. Maybe, just maybe, this was someone he could trust.

Adam allowed himself to think for a second, and in that second he began to hope. He licked his dry, cracked lips and tasted blood. "I- I need to get out of here, Samandriel."

"I know." Samandriel nodded, his neck tense where Adam's fingers rested. He wrapped his arms around Adam's legs and waist, then hoisted Adam up into his arms. His small frame seemed to be easy to lift. He wasn't sure how much weight he'd lost in The Pit but it was enough to make each bone in his ribs visible. He rested his head against Samandriel's shoulder, feeling the angel's warmth seep into him. "Thank you."

"No problem. Please, go to sleep." Samandriel said, holding Adam's malnourished form closer to his lean body. "I'll keep you safe." 


	2. Fixing Adam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was gonna be a bit of smut, but then I really needed fluff. I'll get to smut later, maybe.

It had been three weeks since the rescue, if you could call it that. Adam still lay comatose in his bed. He didn't move except for when his nightmares - memories - grew too much and he whimpered and shook his head. It was a pitiful sight, heartbreaking and soulcrushing. Samandriel watched him, every night. He kept Adam's body nourished and clean, but could do little more than that. The few times he had tried to venture into Adam's mind, he had been thrown back and burnt. Hell was still fresh in Adam's bloodstream. 

Samandriel had pulled as much power as he dared to from Heaven to fix Adam's broken body. He had spent hours hunched over each part of the boy, his fingers tracing each wound. He had been healed clumsily and quickly by Lucifer, or Michael, and had been left with disfiguring scars. His eyes had been the hardest thing. Having to reconstruct them was nearly impossible, but he did it. Those beautiful eyes, green and blue and so beautiful. Samandriel spent hours thinking about how it was possible to even do this much damage before it came to him. Adam had looked at one of the angels' true form. 

Samandriel shuddered, thinking about what damage he could do to a human without willing so. He knew pain; pain had been used on him by the King of Hell, and killed his vessel, but even the angel didn't have any idea as to what the human had gone through. The agony he must have endured- he stopped that thought. Samandriel felt sick to his core. His own brothers had done this to a human. Castiel was right to stand up to them, Castiel had too much heart but maybe that was only a problem if you were in Heaven. Or Hell. 

Samandriel sat close to Adam's body every night, usually on the double bed next to him, and watched him. His eyes flickered behind his lids, his fists clenched and unclenched and he gritted his teeth. Sometimes he screamed. It was those nights Samandriel was glad he sat there. He placed one hand on Adam's forehead and another somewhere along his chest, and Adam's screams fell to a slight whimper and then to nothing at all. He built a wall, night by night, brick by brick between Adam and his memories. Sometimes he was thrown out of Adam's mind before he could finish his job, but most nights he'd get one or two bricks laid. 

Maybe this could fix him? Samandriel could only hope. 

\--

Adam woke up in a bed, his every mucsle ached and he felt nauseous. He gripped the sheets and pulled them over his head, enclosing him in a warm cocoon. He didnt know where he was, or what was around him. His hearing was dull and his eyes flickered about sightlessly. Panicking, he groped for the edge of the bed. Once he found it, he drew his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. He wasn't sure if this was some kind of cruel trick, if Lucifer had fun watching him panic about being alive again. Adam felt too small, his body wasn't full any more. The thickness of his arms and legs felt too much; his soul was too small for his body, leaving parts of him hollow. His breathing sped up, sickness rising from his stomach through to his throat. He couldn't breathe. His head spun. Adam groaned and-

"Adam." The same soft voice from before said, someone gently pried back the covers. The voice was one he recognised, one that was soft and warm and oh, so very human. One that had stopped his nightmare, one that had kept him sane. "Adam, calm down. It's me, Samandriel." 

Adam looked up at where the voice came from, unable to see anything but blackness. The darkness of The Pit had stayed with him. "Hello." He said, a weak smile on his face, but before he could stop himself, tears chased each other down his cheeks. "Oh God." He sobbed, his shoulders heaving. "Oh God, oh God." 

"What's wrong?" Samandriel asked, surprise and fear filling his voice. He reached out for Adam's hand and held it tight in his. He pulled the covers back and placed himself in front of the crying man. "Adam, what's wrong?" 

"I-" Adam stopped himself crying. He opened his mouth but nothing came out. He shook his head and a sob wrenched its way from his chest. He was pulled into an embrace, resting his head against Samandriel's shoulder. He sobbed again, clutching at the angel's shirt. Adam cried until he had no more tears to shed, until he was dry and his sorrows had been drained from him. He swallowed hard and tried again. "I can't see." 

Samandriel took a sharp breath. Nothing had prepared him for this, not even the three weeks of fixing his broken body and blocking off his damaged mind. "Your eyes... They were damaged in Hell, weren't they? You looked at an angel's true form." He said hesitantly, running his fingers over Adam's back. 

Adam nodded, a lump in his throat growing. "Yes." He buried his face in Samandriel's neck; his wet eyelashes touching Samandriel's neck. "What does this mean?"

Samandriel shook his head, and then realised why that was a stupid thing to have done. His cheeks flared up, pinkness spreading across his face. Some small part of him was glad that Adam couldn't see this, couldn't see an angel so emotional. "I can't do anything about it." He admitted. "We can only wait for time to heal you." 

Adam sobbed again, tears swarming down his face again, a defeated air swimming around him. Storm clouds gathered around him, darkening his mood even more. "Oh God, no."

"God had nothing to do with this." Samandriel said, as sure as he had ever been. 

\--

Samandriel's arms wrapped tighter around Adam's body. He rested his chin on the top of Adam's head, thinking in the darkness. They had lain like this for most of the day, Adam was too weak to do much else and his lack of sight was worrying. Samandriel realised that he was holding Adam slightly too tight. He loosened his grip and looked down at the sleeping boy. 

He had been crying all day, his eyes red and puffy. His nose was a little pink and looked sore. Samandriel fixed that, sparing the boy any pain he could. It would just take a long time for him to heal everything it was possible to heal. Adam's lashes fluttered in his sleep and he moved closer to Samandriel's warmth. The room wasn't cold, but Samandriel had a lot of excess heat to vent. He ran his fingers over Adam's sleeping face gently, over his forehead, nose and lips.

Samandriel noticed that Adam had a freckle on his chin, just a tiny bit above his jawline. His full lips were partly open and his pink tongue rested against them. Samandriel could just see the sparkle of his white teeth. He remembered having to replace them; it was incredibly sad now that he thought about it. This beautiful human soul had been so badly damaged that even an angel couldn't fix him.

Just then Adam stirred, his eyes flickered behind his lids and his hands clenched into fists around his new suit, pulling Samandriel closer. He nuzzled Samandriel's neck and let out a soft groan, his breathing sped up and he whimpered. Nightmare. They were increasingly rare, but Adam still go them. Samandriel pulled him closer so their chests were pressed against each other. 

"Shh." He murmured, wrapping one arm around Adam's waist and stroking his hair with the other. He had missed this, if he was honest. He'd done is once before with someone that had meant a lot to his vessel; a sort of deal made between them - Samandriel got the body, provided the vessel could say goodbye. But when he had been recalled, the vessel had died. Since then he hasn't even thought about touching another human, it was against orders. 

Screw orders. Samandriel tangled his long skinny legs with Adam's and rested his forehead against the boy's. Their breathing became synchronised, although Samandriel didn't really need to breathe. He locked his fingers around the loose shirt Adam was wearing and held him close. 

They stayed like that until the sun rose.


	3. Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Idfk... Read on.

Adam woke up, groping blindly for anything that would help him get his bearings. His hands reaching over his head found a pillow. He was in a bed, that much he remembered. He reached down, trying to find the edge of the bed. His fingers brushing over the soft sheets, Adam struggled to sit up. His hands groped around him, he wasn't sure how big the bed was or what side he was on.  

In his confusion, he managed to punch Samandriel in the face. 

"Ouch." Samandriel said rather pointedly. "That was my face that your hand just hit."

Hearing Samandriel's voice, and feeling the angel's face under his knuckles Adam drew his hands to his side. "Sorry." He cringed. "I really didn't mean to." 

Samandriel was smiling when he said, "Don't worry about it. I'm fine." He lifted himself up onto his elbow and looked up at Adam. From here, he could see the cheekbones that the boy had. He was very slim, slender even. But there was some muscle mass under that pale skin. Samandriel could see the flat planes of Adam's body easily; Adam wasn't wearing a shirt. 

"Your... Um," Adam was unsure of what to say. "You're a lot less... Dick-like than your- did you call them your brothers?"

Adam was turned to Samandriel and his face bore a look of pleasant surprise and confusion. His blue eyes weren't focused on the angel's face, but they were aimed in his general direction. Samandriel sat up on the bed so that Adam was no longer looking at his crotch.   
   
"My... Brothers, yes." He said the word like it was bitter and sour in his mouth, his fingers twining the bed sheets into odd shapes, "They were my older brothers and I had very little to do with them..." 

"You and me both." Adam nodded, his voice sounding a bit lost and far away. Samandriel realised that this was the first time he had ever really talked about his brothers to anyone, and he understood that it must hurt, knowing what had happened. He stayed silent and let Adam talk. "Sam and Dean only came to find me when they needed me." Adam sounded bitter, but his face was undeniably sad. "They could have found me just for me. I was their little brother, and they... They just came along to find me after Dad died and- it just wasn't fair." 

"I believe Castiel - my brother, the only one I believe in any more. Castiel was the one who fell, but he fell for believing that man could do as much as we could, could have better control than we do. He believed - still believes - that man is closer to God than we are. He was God himself for a while, came to heaven to free us from what we had known... I was the only one that was unchanged, I had believed in Castiel and- I believed in him even more after that. Man does know better than we do." He paused, an image of his big brother came into the space behind his eyelids and he felt his heart ache. He missed his brother dearly, but Castiel was probably not even aware he was still alive. He shook his head, "Anyway, Castiel said that they didn't know about you. I was interested in what he was doing with them." 

"Interested?" Adam asked, lying back down with his hands behind his head. He seemed to ignore the part about Samandriel's big brother becoming God, and Samandriel silently thanked him for that. It would be too much work to explain the whole story. "Why?" 

"Humans are interesting. The way you think and talk and act, your past and your I like the TV shows you watch. There's one about a Doctor Sexy..." Samandriel trailed off. His cheeks were pink and his tongue darted across his lips. 

Adam snorted, rolling over and touching Samandriel's thigh. "Doctor Sexy MD? Didn't know you angels swung that way." 

Samandriel flared bright pink. His eyes ran over Adam's bare chest, the V of his hips peeking out of the sheets wrapped around his waist. He was wearing boxers, but they'd been dragged down during the night. As though he knew what Samandriel was thinking, Adam hitched them up. Raising his hips made his flat stomach stand out. Samandriel could feel his grace trembling, nothing had ever... Made him feel like this before. 

"Neither did I."

\--

Samandriel was shocked out of his thoughts by Adam's voice. He turned to the boy and asked him to repeat himself. 

"I said, what do you look like?" Adam asked, mumbling. He pulled his hand back from Samandriel's thigh and lay on his back, eyes shut and breathing unstrady. He was pinkish around his cheeks, his lips were suddenly a dark red and his hands were clenched around the covers of the bed. He took a deep breath through his nose and felt his chest expand, the cold air was nice on his over heating skin. 

"I..." Samandriel's mouth hung open but no words escaped. He'd never evem thought about it. He knew what Adam looked like, and it only felt natural for Adam to know what he looked like too, despite the fact that he was blind. "I... Um." 

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." Adam said quickly, his voice a little too high to be comfortable. "I don't have to know."

"I..." Samandriel thought for a second. "My true form or my vessel?" 

Adam shrugged, "Either. I'm not too fussed." 

"My vessel... I've neve really looked. I'm a young man, light brown hair and green eyes. Uh, I'm wearing a suit. A light grey one. Someone said it made me look like an undertaker. There's a freckle on my cheek, a woman picked that up. She said it was a nice flaw. I still don't understand that." Samandriel sounded extremely uncomfortable with describing his vessel, his fingers entwined with each other. 

"She was flirting." Adam laughed, a smile curving on his face. "She thought you were cute."

"Oh. Okay." Samandriel nodded, absorbing that small fact. "My true form is different. I have two heads and wings, sort of like a barn owl but much, much bigger." 

"Two heads?" Adam gasped, his mouth open. He frowned as he tried to picture it, a being with two heads was a little odd to think about, and a small crease formed between his eyebrows. "Why'd you ever need two heads? We only have one and we're fine."  

"I don't know." Samandriel shrugged. He paused, thinking. He gnawed on his lip and shook his head. "I don't actually know why we need vessels either." 

"Oh." Adam muttered, preoccupied with the thought that angels had more than one head. And wings like barn owls. There was a silence in the air, both men lost in their thoughts. Adam thinking about why on earth - or in heaven - angels would ever need two heads. Samandriel thinking about why the angels - the higher form of being - needed the humans to be able to have a physical form on this plane. Both were deeply interested in their own chain of thought, but Samandriel caught himself glancing at Adam every now and then. Adam's face was very expressive, if only Samandriel could learn to read him. 

"Samandriel." Adam said slowly, his lips moving around the name delicately as though he were afraid to sully it. He licked his lips and sat up, pulling his knees up to his chest and resting his chin on them. 

The angel looked up, his eyes were glazed and he was biting his lip, yet again. "Yes?" 

Adam's hands grasped his forearms and Samandriel could see there was a massive amount of pressure being placed on them. Adam was gripping himself, trying to keep himself together. "Does God exist?" 

Samandriel was quiet for a second before replying. Adam was in a fragile place, but he couldn't lie to this boy. Samandriel ran his fingers over his knuckles, hard and boney under his flawless skin. His breathing was calm and controlled as he said, "I hope so, Adam." 

\--

Adam buried himself under the covers. Today had been a lovely day of nothing. He and Samandriel had been talking for most of it, he'd even ventured downstairs to the sitting room - with the angel's help of course - and they'd put the TV on. He'd been sat next to the angel while Doctor Sexy pranced about on screen, flouncing his hair all over the place and using that voice on all the other doctors, nurses and patients. 

Adam pulled his knees up to his chest; blind, worn out, curled in a feotal position and protected by an angel. He was a sorry sight. Adam felt a vague wave of disgust flow through his veins, he should be better than this. If Hell was that bad, as bad as Samandriel thought it would be, why couldn't he remember anything but these nightmares? 

His eyes slipped shut and his thoughts trailed off. His breathing slowed and he relaxed. Slipping into a dream where he was with his dad and his brothers, they were all young. He was about seven... And dad was showing them how to use guns. Dean was a good older brother, making sure he didn't hurt anyone with his. Sam had a shotgun and was pumping away like there was no tomorrow. Something told him is should've been the other way around; but his dream mind fought that, trying to stay in the dream for as long as he could. 

His dream changed. The boys were chained to the wall, Sam was making no noise and Dean was hacking and slashing away at a corpse. Dean's hands were red to the wrist and Sam's body was covered in lacerations. Lucifer was speaking, nonsense words that meant nothing but sounded terrifying. Michael was there, with Dean. They were laughing. Lucifer freed Sam and hugged him tight, healing him from all those wounds. Adam peered at the body that Dean had been bent over. 

It was him. 

Lucifer pulled him down into the body and they all set upon him. He could feel every cut that scraped down his skin, every bone jarring thump from each blow landed by an angel. His ribs shattered and his skin came away from his muscles. He could feel himself being torn apart a million and one ways. His mouth opened and he screamed in agony, no sound escaped his lips.

Adam woke up screaming. Samandriel's hands on his face and chest, holding him down and gently comforting him. Samandriel stroked his cheek and muttered something inaudiable. Adam nodded and slipped into another slumber. 


End file.
